++ relapsed catholic ++ religion politics culture blog

This sounds like me about 10 years ago, without the Western Civ bits, which never would have crossed my mind at the time. I've mellowed considerably, thanks to exposure to other people's kids. Still, none of my own, though. Too late. And you should all be as thrilled about that as I am:

I find it so reassuring when Our Dear Democratic, Progressive, Tolerant, And Did I Mention Democratic? Leaders drop their masks and admit that they think that no woman is fully human unless she has had a man put his seed in her and borne his spawn.

(...)

I am sick of hearing about the wonders of childbirthing and how we-uns should all get in the stirrups and shoot five or six out for the cause of Fambly, and if we don't we are selfish old shrews who will destroy Western Civilization and the Muslims and their twenty children per wife households will take over the world. Never mind that Western Civ is currently too weak-willed to do what it really takes to save itself* -- it might upset The Chillllldren™!

It gets better.

For many Gen-X females like me, the very thought of having children is too foreign to entertain. Maybe your mom matter-of-factly got you on The Pill for your sixteenth birthday, the way girls today get boob jobs and Mazdas. You watched Mary Tyler Moore and Police Woman. Worse (and you'd be surprised by the number of people who've told me identical tales) you were traumatised by movies like The Omen, Rosemary's Baby and all the others. (See: someone else noticed those release dates, too -- PS: Roe v Wade was 1973. There's an evil parasitical thing growing inside you that must be destroyed before IT kills YOU!!!)

And who would you rather be in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? Liz Taylor or the ugly woman with the rude, homely offspring? Is that even a question? (UPDATE: Andrea interprets Maggie's behaviour differently. I say she's just really -- understandably -- hot for her husband, yet doesn't want kids of her own. I was gonna say because she'd ruin her figure but can't recall any lines that would support that. I'm the one who doesn't want her to ruin her figure because that would be a bigger tragedy for Civilization than her not having kids. It would be like blowing up the Venus deMilo...)

What good were children, you wondered? Don't they just make lots of noise and dirty diapers and cost lots of money (that's what your parents were always saying about you. My job in my family was to go buy cigarettes for my stepfather when he was too drunk to go himself. You have to "earn your keep" somehow.) Don't they just get kidnapped, in million-selling novels and in real life?

(What was the name of that huge bestseller with the off center drawing of the house on the cover, and the pre-tornado sky and the one red mitt left fornlornly on the front lawn, with a title like Have You Seen the Children?. Everybody had a copy of that book in their bathroom and just the cover scared the holy hell out of me. UPDATE:Thanks, James, for reminding me -- Where Are The Children. I used the original cover rather than the 30th Anniversary one you sent. Isn't that so "Dick & Perry then sped off"?)

Or hit by cars, like your babysitter's son? Or else you end up with some Go Ask Alice trouble maker.

Maybe, like me, you learned an unintended lesson from being taught by nuns of varying degrees of hip coolness from nursery school to Grade 13 (that's how old I am).

I admire women my age who finally went ahead and did it -- I can appreciate the daunting mental and emotional work involved, un-brainwashing yourself like that. I guess it helps if you have a maternal instinct and I don't think I do. "Would you like a real little baby like that when you grow up?" someone asked me when I was three and playing with my Raggedy Ann doll. "NO!" I screamed back. Another real kid would just wreck all my toys. Or something. I can still hear that "No!" I knew what it meant, and I meant it.