Monday, March 13
Mocking crunchy cons
"How many cruncy cons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?":
But being an ex-punk means I hate hippies. It can't be helped, and I don't want it to be. Hating hippies is fun. So my problem with the cruncy con thing is aesthetic. A stupid excuse, but I'm sticking with it. Birkenstocks are ugly. Organic vegetables are ugly, not cute and perfectly shaped like the "real" stuff you get at the supermarket.
Come to think of it, Nature is ugly -- whose idea was that pukey green & brown colour scheme anyway?
Ever seen that Roz Chast cartoon, "Ralph Nader's Children"? When things break, you just buy new ones. Who cares?! Well, that's me.
My ex-boyfriend took me to his friends' farm once. I thought I was at the Spahn Ranch with the Manson Family. All the chicks wore those hideous long gingham "fifth wife of the cult leader" dresses. They played the same McGarigle Sisters tape over and over. The quilt on our bed was covered with dozens of dead flies. Disgusting from beginning to end.
Catholics are especially crunchy, huh? Please explain the Pope's iPod Nano and Prada slippers. And the conspicuous absence of a windmill in the vicinity of St Peter's -- but the presence of one of the world's oldest radio stations.
When we Catholics make the mistake of getting "natural", what's the result? Natural Family Planning. Which involves mucus. Just typing the word "mucus" gives me an ice cream headache/anxiety attack...
I prefer the artificial. The synthetic. The perfectly choreographed. Now THAT's Catholic. Big honkin' non-biodegradable paintings and utterly unrecyclable marble altars and pointlessly extravagant monstrances.
And I love me my tv sumpin bad.
So "it's ugly" is the big deep reason I'm not a crunchy con. I wish I could haul my revulsion up from "it's ugly" to the only slightly more legitimate level of "they're hypocrites", even.
Nope. Too lazy. And The Apprentice is on in 10 minutes.
"Bruce is clearly onto something. Rod and others fall into the trap of thinking that we're all entitled to make our own hours. It gets dark at a certain hour for good reason, to encourage one to lead a disciplined and temperate life. If one must stay up late, then he should emulate Rusell Kirk, who told ghost stories by candlelight."No, I haven't read the book. I feel like I already have, just by making my usual rightwing blog rounds. And Rod is a very nice, smart, funny guy who's published my stuff, and is a better Catholic than I am and so forth. I'm a so con. Libertarians bug me. Instapundit's obsession with the latest cool gadgets bugs me a lot. Russel Kirk be da man.
But being an ex-punk means I hate hippies. It can't be helped, and I don't want it to be. Hating hippies is fun. So my problem with the cruncy con thing is aesthetic. A stupid excuse, but I'm sticking with it. Birkenstocks are ugly. Organic vegetables are ugly, not cute and perfectly shaped like the "real" stuff you get at the supermarket.
Come to think of it, Nature is ugly -- whose idea was that pukey green & brown colour scheme anyway?
Ever seen that Roz Chast cartoon, "Ralph Nader's Children"? When things break, you just buy new ones. Who cares?! Well, that's me.
My ex-boyfriend took me to his friends' farm once. I thought I was at the Spahn Ranch with the Manson Family. All the chicks wore those hideous long gingham "fifth wife of the cult leader" dresses. They played the same McGarigle Sisters tape over and over. The quilt on our bed was covered with dozens of dead flies. Disgusting from beginning to end.
Catholics are especially crunchy, huh? Please explain the Pope's iPod Nano and Prada slippers. And the conspicuous absence of a windmill in the vicinity of St Peter's -- but the presence of one of the world's oldest radio stations.
When we Catholics make the mistake of getting "natural", what's the result? Natural Family Planning. Which involves mucus. Just typing the word "mucus" gives me an ice cream headache/anxiety attack...
I prefer the artificial. The synthetic. The perfectly choreographed. Now THAT's Catholic. Big honkin' non-biodegradable paintings and utterly unrecyclable marble altars and pointlessly extravagant monstrances.
And I love me my tv sumpin bad.
So "it's ugly" is the big deep reason I'm not a crunchy con. I wish I could haul my revulsion up from "it's ugly" to the only slightly more legitimate level of "they're hypocrites", even.
Nope. Too lazy. And The Apprentice is on in 10 minutes.
