Tuesday, January 24
Sometimes I wonder why I bother
UPDATE: I'm genuinely moved by the incredible outpouring of emails I've received about this blog post. Please scroll down for some samples, edited for anonymity's sake. Your feedback is a big help. Thank you...
***
Terri Schiavo's Husband Re-married in Catholic Church.
Here is the canon law take.
First off: let's hope that new bride has a "living will..."
But seriously folks:
Screw it. I was going to go through the hassle of getting Arnie's first marriage annuled, and then a year of "marriage prep" with a priest (yeah, marriage prep with a celebate single guy is one of the kinks we still haven't quite ironed out of the system). I sit around here, stewing about "living in sin" and going to hell and whatever.
And a guy who kills his wife gets to receive the sacrament. And not a single local priest or bishop says squat.
Bite me.
As of today, I've decided I'm getting married in City Hall after all. Maybe later I'll get the marriage "blessed" or whatever they do by the Church to ease my conscience. That is, if they let me. Gee, maybe if I kill somebody the Tribunal will put in a little extra effort...
Yeah, I am being churlish and childish.
Tough. I'm sure some of you will write in to try and talk sense to me. Make it good or don't bother.
***
Some email responses to this post:
I think you'd regret getting married at City Hall. Consider:
- You're not all that keen on the current city administration
- The place where they perform the ceremony has all the charm of the
waiting room for driver's licenses
- The other people in line likely proposed marriage by saying "You're
WHAT?"
- You'd like God to be in the picture
Speaking as someone who got married outside the Catholic Church (for non-protest reasons), I would say that there's always an acceptable solution. However, I think you might be happiest if you waited to get married the way you originally wanted.
Failing that, if you still want to go through with a City Hall ceremony, how 'bout getting married in one of those chapels near Niagara Falls? All it takes is an appointment booking, it takes place in a real chapel that actually gets used for masses on Sunday and the ceremony is performed by a minister. It may not be Catholic, but it's performed by one of God's employees and not a paper-pusher, it's
better than City Hall, you get to avoid marriage counselling classes (which if not taught by a priest, is often taught by people like Ned and Maude Flanders) and there's Niagara-on-the-Lake, outlet shopping, casinos, cheesy amusements and the traditional honeymoon spot nearby.
***
I think you should be happy that the Toronto Archdiocese doesn't have it so bad that people like Michael Schiavo can get away with what he got away with. I'd say, realize how good Toronto's got it in relation to other dioceses and get Arnie's marriage annulled.
***
So Terri Schiavo's killer hubby can get re-married in the church as if he's Johnny Applecheeks. And celebrity dirtbags like Tommy Mottola can get repeatedly re-married in the church, as if he's just doing upgrades.
And one of our pastors (...) sees fit to charge into a group of mothers and kids (and a few dads) after a "family mass" and give us all hell for the fact that our infants and toddlers won't sit quietly and obediently through the service...
Once again, that whole "advice from single male celibates" thing. You'd thing if you have such a family-filled parish - the whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing the church is so hot on and all - you'd make some allowances for the fact that babies and 2-year-olds aren't paragons of rational thought. If they want to talk Augustine and Cardinal Newman with them later, fine, but right now let us try (imperfectly, as we are all imperfect) to patiently instill discipline and manners into our children without being made to feel like we - and not Terri Schiavo's "widower" or Tommy Mottola or Paul Martin or the fucking Kennedys -- are the bad Catholics.
***
You are NOT getting married at City Hall, Kathy. I'll be the body on the transom you'll have to step over. You are called to make this sacrifice for the detritus who will not listen to reason. You are called to "watch with [Christ] this hour" as we suffer the passion in every corner of the globe. You are called to be the witness, the authentic bride, the voice of clarity -- no matter what Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, and Michael Shiavo do within the embrace of what they think is the Church. It is not, and you know it. Holy Mother Church loves you dearly, enough to ask you to do things the right way so that your true mother can fondle you on her celestial lap one day, wiping the tears from the trials and traumas in getting to her. You know better than this, though I understand the tantrum. Persevere. It is hardest at the end.
***
Kathy, I understand how upset you must be at the remarriage of the late Terri Schiavo's husband in the Catholic Church.
I will not try to advise you re giving up on church weddings and getting married at City Hall, except to say this: Having been at many C/H weddings, I find it a dismal prospect.
But then so are medical tests. The chief question is, is it NECESSARY?
(...)
We are all accountable, fundamentally, for our choices.
That is the precise, critical way that Christianity differs from atheistic materialism. It is precious.
If your own decisions depend in any way on the malfeasance/stupidity/moral laziness of others, you merely forego the benefit of divine wisdom. You harm yourself without affecting them.
However it happens, it's going to be your wedding, not mine. My sense is that you would be better off hanging on and waiting for the usual procedures to take effect.
Let the divine justice deal with people who wish to deserve well of men but not of God.
Believe me, despite the gossip you hear, the divine justice is NOT mocked.
***
Bah, don't listen to the horseshit about city hall marriages. No one ever considered them a dirty thing until the GLAAD gang got them too. I'm just as married as anyone.
Do the ceremony (they don't allow any religious imagery or music...), get the blessing, and be happy with what you have. At least Arnie isn't going to kill you when you need him the most.
***
When something like this happens to me, the code is essentially "betrayed step-sister." That is," I work and slave and try to be good and be loved and approved, and here comes someone along and dazzles or deceives or just charges through the Authority Figure, who, by the way, is giving me nothing but grief. What's the damn point?!"
That is, why are we where we are, doing what we are doing, turning in the direction in which we are turning? I suspect for you, like me, it is about Love and Intelligence. If it weren't, we long since wouldn't have bothered.
So what is the loving (of what you truly love, not being a good girl) and intelligent thing to do here (besides taking a deep breath, hot bath, and nice novel read or video-watch -- I'd do Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, the recent one with Ben Kingsley and Helena Bonham-Carter)?
In the long run, that [one judges from a great distance] Dark-Souled Smarmy Thief and Lover of Death has exactly zero to do with you and me, except the grieving & praying that we all do for the sin-entangled souls of all mankind and the briary thickets that occasionally cause us to stumble and sting.
And you're a poet. Follow the tangle!
More comments here.
***
Terri Schiavo's Husband Re-married in Catholic Church.
Here is the canon law take.
First off: let's hope that new bride has a "living will..."
But seriously folks:
Screw it. I was going to go through the hassle of getting Arnie's first marriage annuled, and then a year of "marriage prep" with a priest (yeah, marriage prep with a celebate single guy is one of the kinks we still haven't quite ironed out of the system). I sit around here, stewing about "living in sin" and going to hell and whatever.
And a guy who kills his wife gets to receive the sacrament. And not a single local priest or bishop says squat.
Bite me.
As of today, I've decided I'm getting married in City Hall after all. Maybe later I'll get the marriage "blessed" or whatever they do by the Church to ease my conscience. That is, if they let me. Gee, maybe if I kill somebody the Tribunal will put in a little extra effort...
Yeah, I am being churlish and childish.
Tough. I'm sure some of you will write in to try and talk sense to me. Make it good or don't bother.
***
Some email responses to this post:
I think you'd regret getting married at City Hall. Consider:
- You're not all that keen on the current city administration
- The place where they perform the ceremony has all the charm of the
waiting room for driver's licenses
- The other people in line likely proposed marriage by saying "You're
WHAT?"
- You'd like God to be in the picture
Speaking as someone who got married outside the Catholic Church (for non-protest reasons), I would say that there's always an acceptable solution. However, I think you might be happiest if you waited to get married the way you originally wanted.
Failing that, if you still want to go through with a City Hall ceremony, how 'bout getting married in one of those chapels near Niagara Falls? All it takes is an appointment booking, it takes place in a real chapel that actually gets used for masses on Sunday and the ceremony is performed by a minister. It may not be Catholic, but it's performed by one of God's employees and not a paper-pusher, it's
better than City Hall, you get to avoid marriage counselling classes (which if not taught by a priest, is often taught by people like Ned and Maude Flanders) and there's Niagara-on-the-Lake, outlet shopping, casinos, cheesy amusements and the traditional honeymoon spot nearby.
***
I think you should be happy that the Toronto Archdiocese doesn't have it so bad that people like Michael Schiavo can get away with what he got away with. I'd say, realize how good Toronto's got it in relation to other dioceses and get Arnie's marriage annulled.
***
So Terri Schiavo's killer hubby can get re-married in the church as if he's Johnny Applecheeks. And celebrity dirtbags like Tommy Mottola can get repeatedly re-married in the church, as if he's just doing upgrades.
And one of our pastors (...) sees fit to charge into a group of mothers and kids (and a few dads) after a "family mass" and give us all hell for the fact that our infants and toddlers won't sit quietly and obediently through the service...
Once again, that whole "advice from single male celibates" thing. You'd thing if you have such a family-filled parish - the whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing the church is so hot on and all - you'd make some allowances for the fact that babies and 2-year-olds aren't paragons of rational thought. If they want to talk Augustine and Cardinal Newman with them later, fine, but right now let us try (imperfectly, as we are all imperfect) to patiently instill discipline and manners into our children without being made to feel like we - and not Terri Schiavo's "widower" or Tommy Mottola or Paul Martin or the fucking Kennedys -- are the bad Catholics.
***
You are NOT getting married at City Hall, Kathy. I'll be the body on the transom you'll have to step over. You are called to make this sacrifice for the detritus who will not listen to reason. You are called to "watch with [Christ] this hour" as we suffer the passion in every corner of the globe. You are called to be the witness, the authentic bride, the voice of clarity -- no matter what Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, and Michael Shiavo do within the embrace of what they think is the Church. It is not, and you know it. Holy Mother Church loves you dearly, enough to ask you to do things the right way so that your true mother can fondle you on her celestial lap one day, wiping the tears from the trials and traumas in getting to her. You know better than this, though I understand the tantrum. Persevere. It is hardest at the end.
***
Kathy, I understand how upset you must be at the remarriage of the late Terri Schiavo's husband in the Catholic Church.
I will not try to advise you re giving up on church weddings and getting married at City Hall, except to say this: Having been at many C/H weddings, I find it a dismal prospect.
But then so are medical tests. The chief question is, is it NECESSARY?
(...)
We are all accountable, fundamentally, for our choices.
That is the precise, critical way that Christianity differs from atheistic materialism. It is precious.
If your own decisions depend in any way on the malfeasance/stupidity/moral laziness of others, you merely forego the benefit of divine wisdom. You harm yourself without affecting them.
However it happens, it's going to be your wedding, not mine. My sense is that you would be better off hanging on and waiting for the usual procedures to take effect.
Let the divine justice deal with people who wish to deserve well of men but not of God.
Believe me, despite the gossip you hear, the divine justice is NOT mocked.
***
Bah, don't listen to the horseshit about city hall marriages. No one ever considered them a dirty thing until the GLAAD gang got them too. I'm just as married as anyone.
Do the ceremony (they don't allow any religious imagery or music...), get the blessing, and be happy with what you have. At least Arnie isn't going to kill you when you need him the most.
***
When something like this happens to me, the code is essentially "betrayed step-sister." That is," I work and slave and try to be good and be loved and approved, and here comes someone along and dazzles or deceives or just charges through the Authority Figure, who, by the way, is giving me nothing but grief. What's the damn point?!"
That is, why are we where we are, doing what we are doing, turning in the direction in which we are turning? I suspect for you, like me, it is about Love and Intelligence. If it weren't, we long since wouldn't have bothered.
So what is the loving (of what you truly love, not being a good girl) and intelligent thing to do here (besides taking a deep breath, hot bath, and nice novel read or video-watch -- I'd do Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, the recent one with Ben Kingsley and Helena Bonham-Carter)?
In the long run, that [one judges from a great distance] Dark-Souled Smarmy Thief and Lover of Death has exactly zero to do with you and me, except the grieving & praying that we all do for the sin-entangled souls of all mankind and the briary thickets that occasionally cause us to stumble and sting.
And you're a poet. Follow the tangle!
More comments here.
